Lately, I've been making an effort to be more self-aware. I'm already a pretty cognizant person, but I've been trying to learn and appreciate a little more about my strengths and my flaws--to examine the inherent parts of my personality better, and take them less personally. My approach, thus far, has been two-fold: first, I've tried to slow down a bit and really be aware of what is going on around me and my part in it, and second, I've tried to spend more time reflecting on my day and the things that have taken place in it. If I haven't lost you yet, then you are probably thinking that I am spending way too much time thinking. And you are probably right. But nevermind that, it's been interesting, and I've been enjoying it! Which brings me to the subject of this post...
Last night I had the opportunity to cook for friends again. I decided to make kung pao chicken and fried rice. This is a relatively easy dinner, and one that I've cooked a million times. The key to these two dishes is preparation. They cook fast, so it's imperative that you have everything organized and ready to toss into the respective pans at the proper times. Fortunately for me, organization is one of my strengths! I had everything organized: my vegetables were chopped, my ingredients were pre-cooked, measured and mixed. I even had the ingredients separated out, with those for kung pao chicken on the left side of the stove and those for fried rice on the right side. Like I said, organization is one of my strengths.
Things were going well. My friends were keeping me company in the kitchen. We were drinking wine and talking and laughing (they a little more than me, I did have to concentrate on the cooking!). They were commenting on how delicious everything smelled, how effortless I was making it look, and how they felt like they were at one of those restaurants where they cook the food at your table all fancy-like (aren't my friends sweet?!). I was soaking up the compliments, multi-tasking between the two sizzling pans, and all the while insisting this was an easy dinner anyone could whip up. It was about this time that the chicken required more of my attention. I took my eyes off the rice for only a few moments, but in those moments rice began to burn. By the time I got back to the rice and stirred, the bottom of the pan was scorched. I grabbed the pan off the burner and began picking out the burnt bits, but there were too many. I dumped the unstuck rice into another pan, and resumed the cooking.
But in my mind, it was too late. My friends continued to drink and chat and laugh and effuse on the delicious smells, but I was far far away. I was sulking in the corner of my mind, so pissed that I had just ruined a perfectly simple dish to prepare, and that I was going to have to serve the resulting ruined dish to my friends, the friends who were going to be too nice to tell me how disgusting it tasted, because they were already being too nice about how delicious it smelled. Suffice to say, my night was ruined. I was pissed. And all over a little burnt rice. Then something miraculous happened. We sat down to eat with plates full and dug in, me a little less heartily than them, because I was of course anticipating the worst. But the worst didn't come. The rice tasted perfectly delicious. I was shocked, and relieved, and embarrassed. I realized at that moment that my friends had surely noticed my change in mood, and why? Because of a little burnt rice? I also realized at that moment that I am a terrible sport when things don't go my way. As laidback and flexible as I try to be, when I have a well-laid plan, I expect it to work! And so I shared these revelations with my friends. We laughed about them and they commiserated, and then we went on to enjoy a great night.
But they've stuck with me, much like the rice that was still stuck to the pan the next morning after soaking all night in water. Though I can appreciate the side of my personality that is an optimist and has very high hopes and expectations, I know the result can be immediate and overwhelming disappointment at the first perceived flaw in the plan. So I've got something to work on. Fortunately for me, I also love a challenge! I'm going to continue crossing off #119 because I'm enjoying it and learning so much: dissect my personality.
*I have to mention we drank the most excellent bottle of wine. Not sure about the pairing with kung pao chicken & fried rice, but none of us were complaining! The wine was a Louis Jadot Beaujolais, 2003 vintage. I highly recommend you go out now and buy a bottle of this wine, and then come directly to my place to share it with me!
**For the record, I didn't actually cry after burning the rice. I just want to clarify that.
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